Tuesday, 4 November 2008

US ELECTION NIGHT LIVE!

21:53 - It's finally all set up. The blue balloons are hanging from the ceiling, the table in front of me is covered in various US State booze and nibbles, a big colouring-in map of the States sits leaned against the wall and live BBC news 24 is being projected onto the wall.....well actually it was a bit boring seeing as all the action doesn't start for another hour or so, so I've actually switched it onto an old episode of QI on Dave (Joe Brand just made another "fat-bird" joke).

Now before you start, I understand the utter pointlessness of writing a live blog of the elections - i know no one actually reads this blog unless they are very very bored at work....and so the chance of anyone waking up in a cold sweat at 3am in the morning, turning on their computer and visiting this little ego project of mine is even smaller than me being able to point out Delaware on the map, or explaining the difference between a governor and a senator.

22:00 - BREAKING NEWS - QI has just finished, on next is "Celebrity Blow your Tits-up"...(100 points if you get the reference)

23:47 - ACTUAL BREAKING NEWS - The results for the first two states are in. Kentucky (McCain safe) and Vermont (Obama safe) went as predicted.....um....yeah. This could be a long night. (D=3, R=8)

Richard Dumbledore has just brought up the issue of Obama's race for the 500th time tonight. Fortunately Jeremy Vine doesn't have a graphic for this. Someone on Dumbledore's round table of experts (ie those not important enough to get on US TV coverage) just said that the issue might not be that Obama is too black for people to vote for, it might be that he is too "green". Award winning.

23:55 - I should probably explain that me and my "team" will be celebrating the arrival of results from states by drinking related drinks, ie Californian wine, "Spirit of Louisana" (don't know what it is yet), Vermouth, Oregano. All this, and the fact that I am using a tiny new keyboard will probably mean that this becomes even more nonsensical as the evening goes on.

24:20 - Jeremy Vine is operating his completely unnecessary touchscreen graphic interface
with all the confidence and success of John McCain trying to roll a spliff with his bumcheeks. We have a better system, with marker pens.

01:02 - BREAKING NEWS - Crap, shit and wowzer! You look away from the screen for one moment and it's all over! (maybe)

Obama is reported as taking Illinois, Washing DC, Delawhere? Conniticut, Mashitushits, New Hampshire , Maine and Tony Soprano's very own neighbourhood - New Jersey. More importantly he has also been reported as having taken the hugely important state of Pennsylvania, one of the big three that Obama needs to take to almost guarantee a clear victory tonight. The next of the big three is Ohio, which was being counted as a close fight, but latest reports indicate an easy win for Obama. McCain has won Tennessee, South Carolina and Oklahoma...the bloody racists! (D=103, R=34)

01:16 - One of the group, Simon, has just shaved off his goatee and now looks exactly like a younger version of either Barry or the other Chuckle.







01:44 - It's gone quiet for a while which has given us all time to refresh ourselves with wine. Speaking of which, Jesse Jackson's voice sounds a little slurred....but that might just be my inherent racism. Jesse Jackson reminds me of Beckham, cheering on Walcott (Obama) from the sidelines. His time came and went and it never happened. The new wonderkind who might actually get what...um...yeah...what the hell am I on about?

Still 103 Democrats to 49 Republicans

1:59 - Ten second to poles close in another 9 states
8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1

2:00 - Apparently FoxNews...the most reliable and honest news network in the world has given Obama Ohio. If true, and I'd be shocked if it wasn't 100% fact checked, then Obama has won and the world is saved from the possible inauguration of a moose shooting, witchcraft fearing idiot woman. Georgia is being as going to McCain. If it didn't then it's be the equivalent of the socialist workers party taking Chelsea. (D=175, R=76. Another 95 for Obama to reach the magic 270 to ensure victory)

2:31 - Sorry got a bit distracted there. I completely given up any facade of being non-partisan and was forcing everyone here to look at Obama shooting hoops. He's so cool. I think I love him in the same way that we all loved Tony Blair in 1997. Here it is.

2:38 - Simon Shama is mocking John Bolton about the Republicans losing New Mexico. Life is so, so, so good. For those of you who don't know who John Bolton is, think of a dreadful, dreadful man then imagining him holding a kitten in one hand and with the other repeatedly jabbing a fork into its head, then denying that he was doing it and telling everyone that you were responsible for 9/11. He looks like a paedophile physics teacher. He is dreadful. He just keeps going with the same un-rational analysis, he's like the Duracell Bunny, but one with a penchant for gang-rape.

Anyway....it's lovely to see his brain struggle....

Having said all this I did take certain things about 30 minutes ago to keep me awake that may be affecting me.

3:20 -McCain, who I have been slightly neglecting for some reason or other is now up to 135 votes. Obama is up to 207, although these are unconfirmed. Things have quietened down a tad, which mean more time for drinking which is taking it's tole. Apparently Louisiana has gone to McCain which means we can break open the "Spirit of Louisiana" booze. Results from California come in 30 minutes and the 55 seat jackpot that is a relatively safe result for Obama could well be the moment of "change". This word and that fact that is it repeatedly used is the only worry I have. It's like "choice" or "fit for purpose" - a phrase of rhetoric that may mean nothing. Socialised Healthcare, Responsible Foreign policy...shit...Texas went to McCain ages ago!

We all rush for the previously forgotten about the Texas BBQ Sauce Pringles, who cares if they're Republican...once you pop you can't stop.

3:50 - The reason why alot of people are feeling sorry for Mr Chips is that he actually didn't run that nasty a campaign....the majority of the negative messages (ala Rove, so important for Bush's victories) didn't come directly from him. He has run a relatively clean campaign compared to what I expected. If you think that negative campaign techniques are a new thing check out this INSANE campaign video for the DEMOCRAT chap Lyndon B Johnson (of "LBJ, LBJ, How many kids did you kill today")

3:56 - The next 5 states will be closing voting in 4 minutes. They are California, Hawaii, Oregano, Washing Town and Idaho. Only Idaho is thought to be red. With Obama just 63 short and California giving 55 votes alone.....This could be it!

California - Clear projection for Obama (262) !

Washington - Clear projection for Obama (273) !

That's it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WE CAN LOVE AMERICA AGAIN!

04:34 -
It's all starting to sink in. McCain has given his concession speech. Genuinely moving and honorable. If only he had beaten G.W.B when competing for the Republican candidacy.

Listening to Black voters interviewed afterwards you can feel the 2 feet added to their height afterwards, a genuine change for a country.

Sure this result might end up being America's version of Tony Blair 1997 and there's a chance Obama may not really improve things through his policies (after all he has little room to make the changes he has promised in his policy), he will make mistakes and eventually we will probably lose our love for him but THIS is important. The weight has been lifted, the blockage unblocked.

It also is a shot in the arm to democracy. The young and the minorities queued for hours. They believed they would make a difference....and they did.
video

1 comment:

J-P said...

I'm ever so slightly annoyed that I'm not American right now, and it's been a terribly long time since I've been able to say that.